Dementia and communication

Posted: January 25, 2017, 1:17PM

Communication is a critical component of our interactions with other people. Think about the times you've been trying to get a message across to someone and how that message can get misdirected. It might be the words we're using. It might be the tone of our voice. (Does our tone of voice match the words we're saying?) It may be our body language that sends mixed messages. Keep in mind that the majority of communication is NOT verbal but non-verbal: looks, facial expression, body language.

Now - think about the times that you've been trying to get a message across to someone with dementia. It can become much more challenging, especially if we're unaware or not responding to the cognitive impairment.

Here are some things to consider that will hopefully help you communicate with your person with dementia.

When you "relay" the message that you're upset, your person will probably get upset. Keep your voice even. Be calm. Don't talk louder unless there is a hearing deficit.

Is your loved one saying "NO"? Sometimes they say 'no' because they can't process the message. It can take up to 90 seconds for someone with dementia to process a statement or direction. Maybe they're anxious because there is just too much stimulation (noise, crowds, TV / radio). Maybe they can't find the words they need.

Conversely, sometimes they say "yes" even though they don't understand what you've asked. Maybe the tone of your voice makes them think that a 'yes' is appropriate.

Think about their reality....which is much different than our reality. If they ask about their mother who has been dead for decades, do they need reminded of that? It's fresh grief each time you try to bring them to your world. Do they need to be corrected that it's not July and they are not on a picnic? No. Redirect their attention and move on.

Avoid "testing" your loved one. Testing someone with memory questions rarely serves any purpose other than frustration and feelings of embarrassment.

Visual and spatial perception are affected by dementia. Approach your loved one from the front, get their attention, and avoid a confrontational stance. Consider safety with rugs or patterned floors as the visual and spatial perception are impaired. Also, you may find that a dark rug in front of a door will help prevent the person from going to the door as the rug interrupts the flow of the floor.

When words aren't working, consider how you can add to the communication with non-verbal cues. Or, stop and go back to it later.

Connect with your loved one. Smile at them. Laugh with them. Use touch and hugs appropriately to make that connection.

Communication takes many forms. Use familiar words. Try pointing or holding up objects. Talk slowly and allow time for your loved one to process. Be supportive. Sometimes you don't need words. You need the connection.